With absolutely no disrespect to good ol’ Bill Shakespeare and his existential question of “to be or not to be?” but I have to say to hell with that rather small notion. I have something a whole lot bigger than that to be concerned about.
Do I wear the Dallas Cowboys cap gift or not?
Here I am Mister Levittown being a Philadelphia Eagle fan since 1970 and my brother who art in Texas, Mister Dallas be thy name, has sent me a rather horrifying gift. A little history behind all this mischigoss.
No offense to any yiddish fluent people intended by the use of that term. I hope I’m using that term correctly as well as using proper spelling.
As I said before I’ve been a Eagle fan since 1970. Those were the days of Charle Young, Po James, Pete Liske, Roman Gabriel and a whole lot of other players. Some of them memorable and some of them not. 1972 with the lousy 2-12 record to the Super Bowl at the end of the 1980 season and all the years since you could and can paint me as a fan.
Can I tell you everything there is to know about wide receiver Harold Jackson? Doubtful. How about Ron Jaworski? Probably not. Harold Carmichael? Well, he was tall and it killed me seeing him play for the Cowboys at the end of his career.
But, I can tell you about the single greatest hit I ever saw at a game I attended. October 1980 – Eagles and the Chicago Bears were playing at the Vet down in South Philly. It….was….cold. Extremely cold. People were hanging out in the restrooms drinking hot chocolate to escape the ridiculously cold winds. Forget about urine particles floating around it was friggin’ cold. Watch the game in the stands for awhile then run to the restroom for some relief from the wind.
Anyway, back to the hit. A friend of mine and myself got tickets right at midfield in the 700 level at the Vet. That’s nosebleed height folks. Jaworski and the offense were in the middle of a drive at midfield when this absolutely brutal hit occurred. Ron Jaworski faded back in the pocket to pass. Defensive end Mike Hartenstine of the Bears came thru the left side of the Eagle offensive line and slammed Ron Jaworski right between the shoulder blades.
Jaworski’s head whiplashed back then went forward as the momentum of the hit drove him forward then down to the artificial turf that covered the concrete that was the floor at the Vet. Everyone who had eyes in that stadium could see that Ron Jaworski was going to get a ticket to unconsciousness at the end of this particular play. Helen Keller and Stevie Wonder could see what was about to happen.
Everybody except Ron Jaworski. And it had the distiction of being an absolutely clean hit. Totally violent. Totally controlled.
But, I digress.
Here I am a completely dyed in the wool Philadelphia Eagle fan with TWO Cowboy garments. Almost two years ago I visited Mister Texas and our sister Miss Richardson, Texas and she gave me a Cowboy sweatshirt. In her defense she doesn’t know a thing about football and she knows less about pro football rivalries.
What do I do? What do I do?
I certainly can’t wear these things while I’m watching the “Iggles” with the guys. Because if I did I would end up as road pizza somewhere with tire tracks all over me that would match their various cars. Eagle fans absolutely HATE the Dallas Cowboys. Hate, I tells ya’!!! There is no conversation. There is no diplomacy. WE HATE THE COWBOYS.
Nothing personal just business.
A few days ago when I was talking to Mister Texas he informed me that he had sent a Cowboy cap as a gift. I thought he was kidding. He was laughing at the prospect of my discomfort. The nerve of this punk. I recieved it yesterday.
I can’t wear these things in public because I would be excommunicated from The Eagle Nation. Hey, maybe I could wear these garments in Cognito.
That’s it. My God, I’m brilliant.
It’s good to be Mister Levittown. And you thought the McCain – Obama dustup was important. I don’t think so.
